and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
