I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
