I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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