Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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