He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
