What a fucking waste of an outfit
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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