Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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