oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
