i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Hippo gnu deer
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
