There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
