tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
