I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
