So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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