I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
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