i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
it's like iHOP with fire
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
He better not be in your backpack
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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