So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
BRING THE BAGELS
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
i now understand why vodka
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
