I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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