My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i need an iv and a liver transplant
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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