THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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