i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
