Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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