i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
