my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
