I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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