I wish I could punch you in the face.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
