He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
