i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
