She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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