hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
