the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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