Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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