I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Randomize
