The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Found your dick twin last night
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
