i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
