3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Let's get the cat blown out
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
