We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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