I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
And then he peed in my hair
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