Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
