thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
