That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
