Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
