I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
