Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Randomize
