One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
there is another microwave in the elevator.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
