Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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