Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
