Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
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