I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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