it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
