Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
