Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
